Camp Counselors: Edward and Jacob
by Kimmy1901
Summary: [Sequel to Handcuffs] What happens when Bella signs Jacob and Edward up to be Camp Counselors?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I walked slowly out of the office. They'll love these. Or maybe they'll kill me. But oh well, at least they'd be bonding.

I smiled and got into my truck, and drove back to Forks.

And on the way, I called Jacob. Edward was already coming over but I hadn't invited Jake yet.

"Hello?" He answered carelessly.

"Jacob? Yeah, can you come over? Like now?"

He didn't hesitate. "Yeah, of course!"

I nodded to the dashboard and hung up the phone, and a few minutes later, I pulled up my driveway.

Of course I was a little nervous at how they'd react, I mean, considering the fact that I handcuffed them together not too long ago. But anyways, for a little while, they seemed to be getting along. I mean, Edward even said that Jacob told him thank you.

But, lately, they seem to be resenting each other. But I think that if they have to work together for a whole summer, then they'd be buddies for life. At least, I hope so.

Well, of course Edward was an issue, because what if there was a sunny day? I mean, it _is_ summer. We'll just hope for the best, I suppose.

Besides, it'll be an experience, of course. They probably have never been Summer Camp Counselors!

With a stiff back, I walked into the house and waited in the kitchen nervously, until the doorbell rang.

Grinding my teeth, I hoped this would work out, and I opened the door for Jacob. His face was covered by a large and bright smile.

"Hey! Bella, what's up?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to tell you that you're gonna be a camp counselor at Lake Green!"

He twitched. "No, I'm not."

I winced and looked to the floor. "Uh . . . yeah, you are 'cause I kind of signed you up."

His expression was grave. And when I thought he would start yelling at me, he just sighed and gave me a weak smile. "Bella, Bella, Bella." Now he shrugged, "Oh well, how hard could a few kids be?"

That's where my innocent smile comes in . . . "Oh, it's not gonna be hard at all, see, 'cause you're gonna be having someone else help you out!"

I saw a hint of relief in his face. "Who?"

The doorbell rang and I smiled.

And for my answer to his question, I simply opened the door, showing Edward smiling on the doorstep.

"BELLA!" Jacob groaned.

I snapped my head to him. "What?"

"Bella?" Edward stepped in cautiously. "What's he doing here?"

"Me? What are _you_ doing here?"

"Okay," I put my hands up. "I invited you both here. Edward, do you mind being a camp counselor?"

His eyes widened. "YES! Yes, I would."

I pouted my lip. "B-but, I already signed you up."

He winced. "Bella!"

Now he looked like he was listening to something, so I assumed he was picking up into Jacob's thoughts. Edward's eyes grew wide.

"C'mon Bella! NO!" Edward whined.

"But Edward!"

"But Bella!"

I crossed my arms and turned my back on both of them. "Okay, whine as much as you want to, but I just want to say that you're already signed up and you're starting tomorrow whether you like it or not. So just . . . DEAL WITH IT!" I screeched that last part so loudly that I was even frightened. Jacob's and Edward's eyes widened at my force. "Okay," I sighed, calmer. "Please?"

They groaned in chorus. "Fine." They said that in chorus as well.

My eyes widened and I ran up to give Edward a hug.

"Hell_o_?" Jacob said annoyed.

I hugged him too.

"You know, I promise you that this will be tons of fun! I mean the great outdoors!" I turned to Edward. "You like that!"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah."

I smiled and walked to the kitchen where I put two stickers.

I stuck one on Edward's shirt and the other on Jacob's.

HELLO! MY NAME IS EDWARD!

HELLO! MY NAME IS JACOB!

They looked down to the stickers, annoyed. But I ignored them and gave them the packets of information that they needed to know about.

"Edward, Jacob, this really does mean a lot to me!" My smile became wider.

But their grave expressions somehow became graver.

"It's only five weeks."

They still had the grave expression.

"It's gonna be super duper fun!"

Now Edward smiled and turned to Jacob. "Oh well, how hard can it be?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Edward's POV**

My expression careless, I continued to drive to Camp Green. My duffle bag was flopping around in the trunk as I drove over the bumpy road.

And probably the _only_ good thing about this was the fact that I'm not handcuffed to a werewolf and I get to drive _alone_ in my car. Jacob's driving his little _Hot Wheels_ car.

I smiled as I past it, but groaned as I saw the camp. Camp Green . . . this was going to be fun.

I pulled up next to a white pick-up, and Jacob pulled up next to me. And before I even stepped out of the car, a man with a too-long white beard greeted us.

"You must be our counselors!" He chimed.

I smiled and nodded, while the man squinted at my name tag. "Edward!" He looked to Jacob. "And Jacob. Oh, and Edward? Do you think that the kids can call you buy a nick name? Eddie perhaps?"

Jacob chuckled but coughed to hide it.

"Uh . . . I rather they wouldn't."

"Well, it's just these kids are young, and . . ."

"No, I would really rather they wouldn't."

_I see we have a difficult one, here_.

Jacob held his hand up. "The kiddies can call me Jake!"

The man smiled. "Wonderful!"

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my duffle bag from the backseat. The Camp was actually pretty nice. There were five buildings, one said Mess Hall, another said Camp Center, and three others just said Cabin a, b, and c. And I saw the Lake behind it. And it was also reassuring that it wasn't sunny. Sure it was warm, but warm doesn't make me sparkle like a freak.

"Okay, now you can put your stuff in your cabins. Edward you have cabin a, Jake, you have cabin b."

"What about cabin c?" Jacob got his duffle bag out of his car as well.

"Oh that's for Kristy, our other counselor. Edward, you're the Red District, Jake, you're Yellow District, and Kristy is Green District. These districts are how we split up the kids. Now you're not going to be sharing your cabins with your district. Kristy's cabin has the girls and you two have boys. The kids haven't arrived yet, so you can set up, and when you're all settled, meet me in the Camp Center." He pointed to the building. "So, are we good?"

We nodded, and headed to our cabins.

My cabin was disgusting. It was filled with dust, so much that it made _me_ cough. I kept the door open while I unpacked so the kids wouldn't die.

And soon, after I put all of my clothes in the wooden chest in front of my bunk, _and_ I wiped down some of the walls filled with dust, I walked out to go to the Camp Center.

Jacob was already there laughing with the man.

"Wow, Edward, it took you long enough." Jacob chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. "I was dusting."

They laughed quietly and I walked up to them.

"Okay," the man started. "I am Mr. Thompson, but the kids will call me Ted. You can too if you like. Okay, when the busses arrive," he looked at his watch, "In an hour, I will introduce you two and Kristy, and then we will divide the kids into their districts. The packets you two got yesterday have the schedule of activities, and I will help you with the rest. You two did bring the packets with you, right?"

We both nodded.

"Good, so . . . you can just settle in, and Kristy's in the Mess Hall, you can say hi to her."

We nodded and headed towards the door when it opened, and a girl with blonde pigtails and pink overalls, walked in.

"Oh, never mind, here she is. Kristy, this is Jake and Edward." Mr. Thompson introduced.

I stuck up my hand and then back down as a sad excuse for a wave. But Jacob smiled warmly and did the regular wave. "Hola," he smiled.

She giggled. "Hey! I'm Kristy, and we're going to have super fun! Oh, can you speak English?" She looked to Jake, for he just talked in Spanish.

He made a face. "Yes."

_Ugh she's gonna be annoying._

I almost started laughing at Jacob's thoughts.

"Oh well, okay!"

_OH MY FREAKING G-O-D! That red head is gorgeous! And so is that Spanish fellow! Ooh!_

I rolled my eyes and walked back to my cabin.

And for the next hour, I just sat on my bunk and read, _Wuthering Heights_ for the millionth time.

But what seemed like two minutes later, Mr. Thompson walked into the cabin with a wide smile spread on his face. "The kids are here!"

Though it was rude, I couldn't help but groan out loud. He heard, but ignored it, and I followed him out. Three busses were parked in front of the Camp Center and kids were pouring out. I winced.

Mr. Thompson now took out a megaphone, and started talking. "Good afternoon campers! Everyone, let's meet in the Camp Center! You're counselors will meet you in there."

I rolled my eyes, and did so, as well as Jacob and Kristy.

And soon, the Camp Center was flooded with kids who smelled like goo.

"Okay!" Mr. Thomson started when everyone was in, and he walked behind a podium. "Now, campers, you will be divided up into three districts . . ." blah, blah, blah, "No one can leave the cabin at night without a counselor . . ." blah, blah, blah. "Let the fun begin!"

Let the torture begin!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Jacob's POV**

The day went . . . okay . . . I suppose. I mean, we really didn't have to do anything. Ted just talked and talked and talked and talked. And the kids in my cabin are pretty cool, I suppose. We haven't gotten our districts yet, though. I'm just so glad that we get to sleep now. And for a while, I was dead sleep. Until . . .

I felt shaking.

I looked up and saw a small fat kid looking at me, desperately.

"WHAT?" I whispered, but I made it sound fierce.

"I have to go pee!" He whispered back.

I put my pillow over my face. "Then go pee!"

"But . . . we're not allowed to go outside without you! 'Member?"

"Ugh!" Still in hushed tones, "I don't care if you pee in your pants. Just make sure it doesn't smell."

"JAKE!"

My eyebrows pulled together, and I threw the pillow to the other side of the cabin, luckily not waking up the fifteen other kids. "Fine."

I staggered out of bed, my eyes half closed, and I followed the kid out of the cabin. We walked for a minute until we saw the outhouse. The kid ran to it, although he couldn't run that fast. He slammed the door open, but stood there and looked at me.

"I can't go when people are watching."

I rolled my eyes. "That's what doors are for."

"Yeah, but I don't want you watching the door. Turn around."

I twitched, "fine." I turned.

But I didn't hear any doors closing, so I turned back. "What now?"

"I can't go when someone's listening!"

I made a face. "What would I listen to?"

He bounced for he still had to go. "THE DRIPPING!"

I rolled my eyes and plugged my ears. "Happy?"

He motioned with his fingers for me to turn around. I did so.

But when I heard the door closed, I carelessly unplugged my ears and stared ahead. Until I heard what sounded like a whale dropping in water.

I turned around, my eyebrows raised and my nose crinkled. "WHAT THE HECK?" I whispered, wincing at the door.

Then I heard what seemed like an explosion. I walked up to the outhouse reluctantly and knocked on the door. "Hey, are you okay in there?"

"I SAID NOT TO LISTEN!" He screamed, and he started shaking the outhouse.

I steadied it. "Careful, you don't want it to . . ."

He started shaking it more violently, and the outhouse fell on its side.

"Tip!"

I opened the door, and the entire stink flooded the air around me. I winced and pulled the now wet camper out of the outhouse.

"AHHH!!!" His scream was embarrassingly shrill. Others would say that he screamed like a girl.

"Are you okay?" I whispered trying to remind him to be quiet.

"I'm covered in PEE!!"

"I can see that . . . but people are sleeping so please be quiet!!"

He was shaking, but he just nodded and didn't talk. But he did try and hug me.

"Hey!" I pushed him away before we made contact, "Why don't we save hugs for when you're dry . . . and clean."

He nodded, and I started guiding him to the washroom which was just across from the tipped over outhouse. "Go wash off." I ordered as I motioned to the showers.

He was about to walk in, when he stopped in his tracks. He looked back to me. "Uh . . . I can't shower alone."

I twitched. "Why?"

He looked around. "Because something scary might come through the drain and KILL ME!"

I groaned. "Your smell will scare it away."

He nodded and started walking in again. But he stopped and looked back. "What if I'm clean by then?"

I smiled at him weakly. "Don't worry, if you were good throughout your life then you'll go to heaven."

His eyes widened.

"Unless . . ." I continued, "You were bad! Then you'll go to Hell!" I looked around and whispered, "I better come with you."

His face became white, and I followed him in.

I turned the shower on for him, but he just stood there, his eyes wide.

"What?"

He looked around. "Don't look at anything."

"You don't have to worry 'bout that, sport. Just get clean and lets go back to sleep."

I looked up to the ceiling as he undressed. And as he walked under the water, he began singing.

"Aloha Oi! Aloha Oi!"

"Do you mind?" I whispered, annoyed.

He stopped. But then continued. "Aint no other man! Can stand! Up to you, Uh!"

"Hey, kid! SHUT UP!" I growled.

He stopped.

And he remained humming in the shower for twenty minutes.

Luckily, he finished.

"Um . . . I need clothes." He started.

I rolled my eyes. "What are those, then?" I pointed to his clothes on the bench.

"THOSE ARE PEE-ISH!"

Groaning I looked at the floor. "Fine, I'll get you some pj's."

I turned around and ran back to the cabin, where I searched through the chest in front of the only empty bunk. And the first thing I saw, I grabbed, and I ran back to the showers.

I threw it to him.

He looked down at it, horrified.

"You brought me my bunny pajamas?"

I laughed quietly. "If you didn't like them then why'd you bring them?"

He looked mad. "_I_ didn't bring them. My mom put them in my suitcase because she thinks that they're cute!"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not getting you more."

"But . . ."

"NO!!!!!!!!" I screamed.

His face turned even whiter, and he changed into the bunny pajamas.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Edward's POV**

The first night here was really boring. I just lay in bed the whole night, for I couldn't leave. But I was entertained for a while by Jacob and his little buddy's thoughts. But of course, I do feel a little bad for them. A little. But I can't believe Jacob made him wear bunny pajamas. That's cold. Though, the little boy's thoughts weren't too embarrassed.

There was a trumpet playing outside, and everyone in my cabin reluctantly rolled out of bed. I though, was very grateful for being able to do something besides staring at the ceiling.

I hopped out of bed. "Good morning, kids."

They all moaned.

"Oh now, come on! Let's get dressed and go have fun!"

Since I don't usually . . . you know, _sleep_, I never actually bought pajamas. So I was wearing one of Emmett's shirts and some of Jasper's sweat pants. I looked ridiculous, but I don't think these boys really cared.

_I HATE YOU EDWARD!_

I looked to who thought that, but I just shrugged it off, for if I was a kid—and human—then I don't think I would really be too fond of the person making me wake up.

But after a couple minutes, they were actually functioning like humans, and they started to get dressed. And after we all were, I looked at that packet Bella gave me.

"Uh . . ." I scanned the packet. "I think we have to go to the Mess Hall, now."

There was a roar of relief, and everyone headed for the door.

Soon, we all scrunched out, and I led them to breakfast. It was so packed, I had to walk on my tip-toes. But soon, I saw the counselor table. So I got my food—apple—and sat down in my designated spot.

I picked at the apple so it would look like I took bites out of it, until Jacob and Kristy sat down across from me.

_OH MY! There he is! HE IS SO AMAZING!_

I smiled at them, awkwardly, and then I looked to Jacob. His eyes were wide.

_Get her away from me!_

"Good morning, Jacob." I made sure I didn't make eye contact with Kristy.

"Good morning, EDWARD!" She stuttered.

Reluctantly, I turned to her. "Good morning."

_Even his voice is beautiful!_

Jacob looked down at his tray which was full of bacon, eggs, and a huge omelet. God how much can he eat? I winced as he started to dig in, but when I looked away, I saw Kristy staring at me. My eyes widened.

_Hello beautiful! I'm here, waiting for you!_

I blinked and then looked at my apple.

_I want that apple!!!!!!!!_

I grimaced.

"So, Edward." Jacob said with a mouthful of eggs, "Do you have any fat stupid kids in your cabin?"

I shrugged. "I haven't really gotten to know them."

He winced. "I have. Last night. 3:30 am. Outhouse. Not pretty."

Kristy started laughing loudly. "Yeah, that was funny Jake!" She put her hand on his muscle. "SO STRONG!!"

Jacob made a face and pulled his arm away.

_Oops, I went a little too far there._

I so wanted to out loud agree with her thoughts, but I just sat there, and picked at my apple some more.

And after Jacob gulped down two trays of what looked like a feast, Mr. Thompson walked up to the center of the mess hall.

"Okay everyone!" He yelled so all the kids could here. "Let's all come to the Camp Center!"

Everyone put their trays in the middle of their tables, and we shuffled out to the Camp Center.

And when we got there, we all looked at him as he got behind the podium.

"Okay, now I'm now going to divide you all into your districts. Edward is red, Jake is yellow, and Kristy is green." He motioned for us to stand beside him. "I will call your name, and you will grab your color bandana. The bandanas are in this box," he pointed to a cardboard one that he pushed out from behind the podium just now.

So for the next ten minutes, or so, he called everyone's name and their districts.

I got some people who were in my cabin and others who weren't. They seemed like a pretty good group. I smiled at them warmly, and they all looked carelessly around, except for one chubby girl. She stared at me with wide eyes and a smile.

"Hello . . ." I grimaced at her.

_MY DARLING!_

I rolled my eyes.

_He is so YUMMY!!_

I looked over to Jacob so I wouldn't be looking at her. He was staring at me, his eye twitching.

_I have the pee boy._

I smiled and zoned into the minds of his kids to see if anyone had a massive crush on _him_ as well. Yes, of course. There was this little red head staring at him, her eyes filled with wonder.

_I wonder if he has a girlfriend. If he does . . . I'll KILL HER!!!!!!_

My eyes widened and I looked back to my group. "So, we're gonna have fun."

They smiled at me, not sure if they should, "Whoo!" or something.

"So, what do we do first?" A little boy without his front teeth asked.

I looked around. "Uh . . . right now we need to wait for Ted to give us instructions."

"I WANNA PLAY!" He growled as he kicked my shin. He screamed. "OWW!!!!"

My eyes widened. "Are you okay?"

But he didn't answer; he just started hopping around on his uninjured foot and hugged the one he kicked me with.

Mr. Thompson ran to him and got on his knees so he was at eyelevel. "Oh Timmy, are you okay?"

He stopped hopping and looked down at his foot, then at Mr. Thompson and nodded.

_BUT THAT GUY'S A FREAK!_

I rolled my eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Edward's POV**

I looked at the packet as soon as we finished our dinner. Tomorrow is when we start the activities, but as Mr. Thompson puts it, "Tomorrow is when we start the fun!"

The little kid who kicked me just missed his mom and wanted to take his anger out on someone. I forgave him because that's the kind of person I am. I groaned, though, at the packet and waited for the kids to stop swapping scary stories and go to bed.

I decided that I was going to read during the eight hours of silence. Well, actually, I can't really call it silence. About ten people snored, and let me tell you . . . some kids like beans for dinner.

And since Jacob _does_ actually sleep, I felt sorry for him as I zoned into his mind.

_Jeez, will these kids ever shut up?_

We haven't really started a fight yet, but I smelt it in the mists. Until we did, though I kept that remorse for him.

But I didn't really care all that much when the stories stopped and everyone said goodnight. I smiled and took out _Wuthering Heights_. But I groaned when I remembered that I CAN'T READ IN THE DARK!

So I did the next best thing. I waited until Jacob was probably asleep, and I listened into his dream.

He was on one of the beaches down at La Push, and he was running from something. He had just come from behind a large tree so I couldn't see _what_ he was running from, just yet.

But soon, I saw.

A swarm of pink bunny rabbits were chasing him.

Jacob's face was frightened, and sweat trickled down his face as he sprinted. And although he was running at a supernatural pace, the bunnies didn't back down, and they were on his tail. Not his werewolf tail, but figuratively.

Anyways, his eyes were wide in fear and one of the bunnies leapt up and bit his ankle. Jacob shrieked and ran faster, but so did the bunnies.

He now was starting to get tired, so he ran to a tree and started climbing, and once he was at the top, he saw the bunnies slowly gnawing at the bottom of the trunk. Jacob yelled for them to stop, but they didn't back down. And soon, the tree was held up by a thin twig. The bunnies saw that and ran out of range. Jacob laughed, but it was the bunnies that were laughing when the tree started wobbling.

Jacob held on to the branches around him desperately, but soon, the tree fell and he was now being devoured by the bunny rabbits.

I twitched, and couldn't help but start laughing.

The kids groaned.

"Sorry!" I whispered.

But just to see if Jacob was still being eaten alive by bunnies, or having another dream, I zoned back into his thoughts.

Yep, he's not being eaten anymore.

He was in an Elvis-style jumpsuit, and he was doing the twist on a disco dance floor. But his face was confused and nervous, like he was being controlled.

Behind the curtain next to the dance floor, were the bunnies. There wasn't as much as the last time, though. There were only about five. But in the middle of all of them, was a bunny with a black cape on. He had a maniacal look on his face and he was doing something with his paws.

I later realized that he had some kind of remote control that he was working. It seemed to be controlling Jacob! Dun, dun, DUN!

But after a few minutes of dancing like that, it looked like Jacob was really struggling. So after a few moments of the dancing slowing down, he finally stopped. The bunnies looked terrified as Jacob ran up to them to get even.

They ran away, but Jacob changed into his wolfy-ness . . . and caught all of the bunnies. But once one of the bunnies touched Jacob's long teeth, Jacob started to get electrocuted.

So he dropped the bunny, and they all ran away.

I stopped listening into the dream and twitched. Um . . . what the heck is going through this man's head?

I wondered for a moment if he dreams about evil bunnies on a regular basis, but I just tried to forget about it, and I closed my eyes attempting to relax.

Nope, that didn't work. I suppose this was just going to be like last night.

**Jacob's POV**

I woke up, sweating. My eyes were wide. The bunny dream again.

I looked around suspiciously, and sunk into the covers more and more. But it was hard to stay awake and avoid the dreams when you ate so much at dinner.

I sat up in the bunk and looked for anyone that was awake. Luckily, they were all asleep, and as quietly as I could manage, I snuck out of the cabin.

Quickly, I ran to cabin a. So I wouldn't wake anyone up, I opened the door slowly, and silently.

I saw Edward when I was in. His eyes were closed and for a moment I wondered if vampires sleep. But the sound of the door closing made his eyes open again.

"Jacob?" He whispered.

So there would be less sound, I answered him in my mind.

_I had a bad dream!_

He rolled his eyes. "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

_It was about . . . _

He put up his hand. "Bunnies, I know."

I twitched. "How do you know?"

He looked at me, his expression grave. But I realized a moment later and I smiled.

"Well what do you want me to do about it?"

I pouted my lip and ran up to his bunk and sat down.

"Oh NO!" He whispered brutally as he tried to push me off.

_Edward! PLEASE I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE!_

He rolled his eyes again. "You have fifteen kids in your cabin."

_BUT THEY CAN'T PROTECT ME FROM THE BUNNIES!!!_

He groaned. "Fine."

I smiled and fell asleep on the end of his bunk.

And at about 5:00, he woke me up to go back to my cabin.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**Jacob's POV**

The trumpet sounded and I fell out of the bed. And when I was on the wood floor, I shivered at the remembrance of the bunnies, and me having to sleep at the edge of Edward's bed. It's odd, though, how my sleep deprivation led up to me sleeping beside him. But I just figured that bunnies wouldn't like him, and he wouldn't be afraid of them.

I despise bunnies, and I would do anything to stay away from them.

Wincing, I stood up, wiped the sleep out of my eyes, and got dressed. And once I was ready, I walked around the cabin making sure no kids snuck out while I was gone. That'd be bad.

Luckily, they were all in place, getting dressed, half asleep.

So, I walked over to the wooden chest by my bunk and took out the info packet. Today, the green district is going hiking. Whoopdy doo.

I clapped my hands to get my kids' attention.

"Okay, everyone, we have to meet at the mess hall . . . like now, so if you guys wanna eat breakfast, then you're gonna have to hurry. We're already pretty late," I informed them.

They moaned in chorus, but my little announcement actually did get them to speed up.

"C'mon!" I ran to the door, restless to get to food. I haven't eaten since dinner, I mean _come on!_

Soon, they were ready, and they stampeded out of the cabin.

And instead of marching like we were supposed to do, I made them run with me to the mess hall. Once we were there, I barged in the door.

"We're here!" I panted.

Everyone looked at us, and then back at their food. I sighed and ran to the buffet thing.

Three pancakes, two eggs, one omelet, orange juice, hot chocolate, and hash browns. I'm trying to cut back.

And as I walked back to the counselor table, I winced when I saw Kristy. She snapped her head to me after staring at Edward so much _I _almost felt sorry for him. I sat down the farthest away from Kristy as I could manage.

"Hi Jake!" Her eyes were eager.

"Kristy . . ." I began awkwardly.

"I made you something!" She reached behind her and grabbed a card made out of construction paper. There was a pink heart on the cover and it said, "I AM SO GLAD WE'RE CAMP COUNSELORS TOGETHER!!"

My eyes widened as she handed it to me. I looked to Edward, and he had a similar one on the table front side down. His expression was grave.

"Uh . . . thank you?" I grumbled.

She shrugged. "I only put my heart and soul into it. Oh, and . . ." She grabbed a cupcake from her tray and handed it to me. "The chef let me use the kitchen last night and I made these for you! TASTE IT!"

I looked to Edward, and he tried to avoid eye contact now. So, not to be rude, I took a bite. It was actually pretty good, but there was this odd taste.

"This is pretty good." I told her.

Her eyes widened and her breathing became uneven.

"What'd you use?" I continued when that foreign taste made me wince.

"Well, butter, flour, chocolate, eggs . . . my spit."

I turned my head slowly so I was staring at her, my eyes so wide it hurt. "What?" I growled, letting some of the cupcake crumble to the tray below me.

"My spit. My spit that was inside of me is now inside of you, Jacob."

Twitching, I stood up from the seat. "Excuse me."

I ran to the outhouse.

**Edward's POV**

Poor Jacob. Eating a hardy piece of spit cupcake. I'm so glad that I told Kristy that I'm allergic to food. Except for apples. Or blood, but I didn't add that in.

And as I stared at my apple in front of me, I tried to block out Kristy's thoughts, but it was hard when she was practically screaming them out.

_HE DOESN'__T LIKE MY CUPCAKE! I'M GONNA COMMIT FREAKIN' SUICIDE! _

My eyes widened, but who am I to argue?

She now snapped her head to me. "Can I have a lock of your hair?"

I blinked and looked around me. "Um . . . no?"

She laughed. "I won't like clone you so that I can program you to do whatever I want you to do, or something. How could you think that?" She said uneasily.

_I totally wanna clone you_

"Um . . . you know, I have a girlfriend."

With the knife she was currently using to cut her pancakes, she pounded it on the table. "WHO?"

I blinked. "Um . . . um . . . Rosie O'Donnell?"

_Look out Rosie, here __comes__ KRISTY!_

Afraid to look at her anymore, I glanced over to the door in which Jacob had stormed out of. But a couple minutes later, Jacob staggered back and sat next to me.

_Ew__ew__ew__ew__ew__ew__ew__ew__ew_

I chuckled under my breath until Kristy sat up from the seat and leaned over the table so her face was uncomfortably close to Jacob's.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" She gasped.

Jacob's eyes widened and he looked at me quickly and then back at her. "Um . . . I'm . . . gay."

She smiled. "That's so hot."

He made a face. "Yup, sure is."

"Can I have a lock of _your_ hair?"

He blinked.

"Why?"

Her face became eager. "No reason."

"Well," he stood up with his tray in hand. "You kind of freak me out, so, no. No hair for you."

_I freak you out?_

"You actually made me puke just now, and so please leave me alone." He continued.

She put a venomous smile on and she pulled her eyebrows. "Okay."

_Mwah__ ha __ha__ha__ ha_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Edward's POV**

After breakfast, me and everyone else walked in to the Camp Center.

Of course there was a _shred_ of remorse in me for Jacob. He ate spit cupcake. That must be hard on the guy. But for a moment, I wondered if he _was_ really gay. I winced and looked for him in the crowd that had just squeezed into the small Camp Center.

Mr. Thompson had already found his place contentedly behind the podium, and he was fixing to say a long speech, I presumed. Already, from Kristy, I was too uncomfortable to be reading anyone's mind, so I just kept to myself and ignored the annoying humming surrounding me.

"Okay, all, listen up!" Mr. Thompson banged some sort of gavel on his podium. I chuckled under my breath and let him continue. "For the Yellow team's hike today, I've decided that we would have the Red team join up with them. I imagine that if anything happens, you'll have two counselors to help you out."

I blinked and looked over to Jacob who was glaring ahead.

"So are you all set? If so, go to your counselors and they know what to do," Mr. Thompson continued.

We do?

"Have fun!" Was the last thing he said before everyone started swarming around, my district gathering around me. I smiled at them, unsure at what Mr. Thompson had said about, "Your counselors know what to do."

I looked to Jacob again and looked to see if there was the slightest hint of knowledge in his expression. Though there usually isn't, I still looked, and going against my decision, I read his mind.

_What the heck?_

Okay, he doesn't know what to do either. Oh well, I'm sure it was in the packet, I'll just go back to the cabin . . . no never mind. I looked at all of the kids I was now supposed to lead. This couldn't be too hard, right?

The one kid that kicked me was now practically hiding behind one other little boy. I smiled weakly.

"So, are you ready for a hike?" I asked them, hoping to get them pumped up.

They simply nodded, and I sighed.

Jacob and his group were now heading out of the Camp Center, so I looked at my group once more. They stared at me solemnly.

"Uh . . ." I looked back to Jacob. "We're going to follow them, okay?"

So I ran at the most human pace I could manage over to Jacob's district before they left the center, and the kids followed me.

_Bloodsucker!_

Jacob's thoughts yelled from ahead. I looked past his kids and mine until I saw him walking and trying to look back at me at the same time.

"What?" I mouthed.

_Where are we going_?

I shrugged, anxious at the fact that we both don't exactly know what to do. I zoned into Mr. Thompson's thoughts.

_The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah, __the__ ants go marching one by one hurrah! Hurrah! The ants go marching one by one the little one __stops__ to . . . suck his thumb and they all go marching down to the ground to get out of the rain! _

I blinked. What the heck?

Okay, I'm assuming that isn't our directions. Unless . . .

I looked back to Jacob. "STOP YOUR KIDS!" I mouthed.

_What?_

I repeated and so he put his hand out so his kids would stop like I asked, so me and my kids could catch up. And once we were, the yellow district started up again.

"Okay, apparently we're supposed to follow . . . ants." I told Jacob.

He blinked. "Okay . . ."

"Yeah, and then someone needs to suck their thumb, or something like that."

He nodded, and we looked to the ground, hoping to see some ants.

"Ooh!" Jacob pointed to a large line of ants. "I think we're supposed to follow them!"

I looked behind me to the kids and waved me hand forward. "Come on!"

So we followed closely behind the long line, and when they started going underground, I sighed and looked behind Jacob and I.

The kids were bending down with their hands on their knees panting so hard.

I winced. "You guys okay?"

They breathed. "We were walking for hours! Where are we?"

I looked up, now noticing that the sky was dark. "Uh . . ."

I shifted my glance to Jacob with a sheepish smile. His eyes were wide, and he kept his eyes on the dirt floor below.

"I'm sorry guys, I just thought that we were supposed to follow the ants . . ."

A little know-it-all kid walked up. "What are you talking about? We never follow ants! That's so stupid!"

I closed my eyes and laughed quietly. "Little boy," I began. "I think I'd know if we were following ants. You know the little riddle. The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah . . ."

He put his hands on his hips and glared at me. "That's a song!"

Jacob and I looked at each other and then back at the kids who looked capable of killing us both.

"No, I think I'd know if it was a song," I snorted, all though I know that I was losing, here.

"Give it up," Jacob turned from me so he was facing the kids. "So does anyone know where we are? 'Cause I kind of don't."

All the kids gasped.

**Jacob's POV**

"No, no! Not that we're incapable of . . . you guys will be alright! And we probably aren't even lost. I mean . . . let's just follow our footsteps. Did anyone bring breadcrumbs?"

There was a pause.

"I brought jelly beans!" The pee-boy said.

My eyes widened. "Did you sprinkle them along while we were walking."

He looked to his shoes. "No, but I ate some. And a squirrel stole one from me an hour ago. I named him Jim. Jim is my friend, and he brought whipped cream for me."

He smiled and I winced.

"What?" I grumbled.

"Yeah, I put it in my backpack for us to have at lunch, but we never got to EAT LUNCH!"

I twitched. "Was that . . . whipped cream spurting out of its mouth?"

He nodded with a smile and I looked at Edward.

Yeah, working as a camp counselor's easy.

**(Mr. Thompson's thoughts: "The ants go marching one by one.")**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**Edward's POV**

After we somehow found our way back from the hike, Mr. Thompson was _mad_. But Jacob talked to him . . . I don't know what he said, or how he said it, but I'm glad he did.

I looked to him across the table.

Kristy was still getting her food, so that was Jacob's only time to eat, where he can keep it digesting properly.

And also, while we were alone, I had to ask this.

"Um . . . Jacob? Yeah, are you really gay?"

He winced. "You wish. Why?"

Blinking, I told him. "Because, you told Kristy that."

_You freak I just wanted to make sure she knew she didn't have a chance with__ me_

He stretched his arms.

Rolling my eyes, a chill went down my spine as I spotted Kristy coming back from the food with a tray of macaroni and cheese and a few gram crackers.

_He he . . . they're all muddy from their hike!_

I crinkled up my nose and rested my legs on all of the bench space next to me so the only place she could sit down would be next to Jacob.

He saw what I was doing and glared at me while Kristy loudly sat down too close to him.

"Hey Jake," she laughed. "How do you put a Pikachu on a bus?"

Jacob blinked his face solemn.

"You _poke 'im on!_ Get it? Pokémon? Poke _him_ on?" Kristy laughed at the joke noisily.

His usually solemn face turned normal again. "Oh I get it!" He looked at me, "Get it, Edward? Poke him on?" He made pointing motions with his fingers. "You poke him onto the bus and that sounds like Pokémon? And the Pikachu's a Pokémon!" He chuckled.

I blinked.

"Yes, I get it."

"I've got another one!" Kristy smiled, seemingly too enthusiastic that she got someone to laugh at her joke that she wanted more. "Why did the turtle cross the road?"

Jake was pumped up too. "Why?"

"To get to the shell station!"

She laughed historically.

He blinked. "Nah, you should've stopped at Pokémon."

Twitching, she squeezed her juice pack so hard that it spurted off the top. She didn't notice.

My cell phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered carelessly.

"Edward? It's me." Bella's voice sounded.

My expression lightened. "Hello, how are you?"

She sighed. "Well, I miss you. And I kinda feel bad that I forced you to be a camp counselor when you didn't want to be. I just wanted to see you and Jacob bonding, and I got kind of desperate."

I paused and looked to Jacob who had a mouthful of spaghetti half in his mouth, and half he was trying to bite off with his teeth so it wouldn't be hanging.

"Uh . . . we're bonding."

She paused as well. "Really? Now don't lie to me Edward."

"When have I ever lied to you?"

". . . well, you said that you were bonding before. And you _weren't_."

I smiled at the phone weakly. "Well, now it's true. He's not even calling me bloodsucker anymore." I whispered that part, but Jacob heard.

_Um yes, yes I am bloodsucker._

I rolled my eyes. "Never mind about that part. But still, I don't want him to fall off a cliff and die anymore." I want him to fall off a hill and die. Big difference.

"Hmm . . . that is impressive. But I wanna come there and see you two. I miss you!"

I laughed. "Yeah, come."

"Well, am I allowed?"

I shrugged. "I can't see why not."

"Then can I come tomorrow? Or are you doing like some big hike or something."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't think that we're going to be going on a hike for a while." I looked down. "Oh, wait, have you ever heard of a song that goes, "That ants go marching one by one?""

"Yeah, "Hurrah, hurrah."" She continued.

I groaned.

"Well, anyways, I would love to have you come, and I'm sure Jacob would too."

He heard his name and smiled wide, although strands of spaghetti fell out.

"Can I talk to Jacob?"

I cringed and smiled. "Of course."

I handed it to him across the table. And with his slimy fingers, he grabbed it and started talking.

"What up, Bella!" He laughed letting some food particles hit my phone. I winced.

I listened hard.

"Nothing," she started. "But I'm gonna come see ya tomorrow!"

He nodded. "Yup, it'll be fun."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**Edward's POV**

Bella's coming to visit today. Oh my God, I hope Kristy doesn't hurt her. Not that Kristy _scares_ me or anything like that. Oh well, we'll just avoid Kristy. Today, our district is doing arts and crafts—what joy—and Mr. Thompson said that it'd be okay if she sits in. She's going to arrive soon . . .

"Hi Edward!" I heard a chilling voice from behind me. I turned, my face paler than usual.

"Kristy," I began, my voice raw. "What are you doing here? In my cabin? At . . ." Inconspicuously I glanced at the clock on the wall across from my bunk, "5:30 in the morning?"

She shrugged. "Well, I usually come into Jake's bunk and watch him sleep, but you always seem to be awake. But I just said what the hay, and I decided to just say hi."

My eyes were wide. "Kristy . . . aren't you supposed to stay in _your_ bunk at night?"

She twitched. "Oh, those kiddies can handle the night on their OWN!" Kristy began laughing nervously, throwing in a snort here and there.

"Okay . . . that's not at all disturbing," I whispered because the kids in the cabin were still asleep.

She smiled wide, letting the glare from her braces make me wince. "Well," she started. "Guess what, guess what, guess what!?"

I wiped my hand across my face. "What?"

"Our districts are doing crafts together today!!"

My eyes widened, although it was rude. "But-but, I thought you did crafts _yesterday!_"

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "I did, but I begged Mr. Thompson to let me take my district to be with yours today. I hear that you have a," she twitched this word. "Lady Friend, coming. And you know, I have faith that she's just a SISTER." She winked at me and then walked out of the cabin.

You know, there's been a lot of scary things in my life. Victoria, a bunch of newborns. But Kristy is by far the most frightening being I've ever came in contact with. And I'm putting my Bella in danger.

* * *

Despite the earlier panic I received, I smiled and led my district to the art building where Bella was to meet us. My district was pretty excited as well to be doing something indoors, for apparently, they didn't _like_ the hike yesterday. I can't imagine why.

"Okay, are you ready for arts and crafts?!" I shouted.

My district "yay'd" in excitement.

"After a FUN day hiking!" I continued.

They "ugh'd" mercilessly. I rolled my eyes.

"My feets still hurt!" One kid growled.

I bent down so I was at eyelevel with him. "Well maybe that's just because you're out of shape." I mused in a baby voice.

He made a face at me; I came back from his eyelevel and led them inside.

There were many tables set up side by side with bowls of uncooked macaroni, glue, scissors, construction paper, pens and pencils and more. They all cheered and ran to sit with their friends on the table benches.

There was a podium in the front of the room similar to the one in the Camp Center, so I speed walked over to it and picked up the folder on it. Inside, it said that we were going to make a macaroni dragon today, and then there were all these instructions I was to coach them on.

Okay so we need macaroni . . . construction paper . . .

"Edward!" I heard from behind me. I turned quickly to see Bella standing there, a wide smile wiped on her face.

"Bella, you made it!" I gave her a hug.

"Oh of course I made it! Are you having fun?"

I looked around the Art building, the kids all talking and anxiously awaiting instructions. But then I instantly looked back to her with wide eyes. "Bella, you have to leave . . ." I began, but the doors opened with a slam.

I turned my head slowly to see Kristy standing there, and he kids behind her. Oh no. She's he-e-r-r-e.

Bella stared at me questionably, but then she glanced over to Kristy and gave her a polite smile.

"Kids," I heard Kristy say from across the room. "Why don't you guys go sit down and get ready!"

They nodded and sat down, mixing up with my red district, and she ran up to me and Bella. Bella smiled politely again, but I couldn't help but tense up.

"Hey," she chirped, then looking over to Bella with a false smile. "Who's this?" The false smile faded and she said that like WHO'S _THIS?_

Bella reached out her hand to shake Kristy's, but she ignored it. "Um . . ." Bella began. "My name's Bella. It's nice to meet you . . ." she continued, allowing Kristy to finish.

"The name's Kristy, and I want you to stay away from my Edward. _AND _my Jack-ey poo. Kay?"

Bella's eyes widened. "Um . . ."

"And _another_ thing," she pointed her finger in Bella's face. "Don't be acting all innocent-like because we _both_ know that you aren't innocent. You're a bad . . . person. You're freaking lame. Freaking."

"Um . . ." Bella looked to me, and whispered, "Is she on meds?"

I shrugged, wondering the same thing myself. Then, I unwillingly looked back to Kristy. "Hey, don't talk to her like that."

"But Edward, I'm just trying to get you to see her for who she really is."

Bella's eyebrows pulled together in confusion as Kristy walked to one of the tables, grabbed a bowl filled with blue paint, sauntered back over to us and flipped it over on Bella's head.

"Hey!" Bella and I growled at the same time. I took the bowl off of her head and tried my best to get the blue out of her hair.

"Ha ha, Edward, see, this is what she deserves."

"Kristy!" I boomed. "You have NO right to . . ."

"PAINT FIGHT!!!!!" One kid shouted to the others as he stood on the table.

They all screamed and began throwing paint, squirting it from the bottles, and running around.

Oh.

My.

Goodness Gracious.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**Bella's POV**

Oh my God. This creepy girl is running around, looking for a bottle of paint that hasn't already been thrown by the kids following her example. My eyes were wide as I watched her, but when it looked like she got some more ammo, I slowly turned my head to stare at Edward. He was actually petrified.

"Bella," he croaked. "I love you."

I blinked, as I let his last words process. I turned back to where Kristy was charging at me. I closed my eyes tightly, when I was hit by something hard. That strange girl. I was pelted with yellow paint this time, and Edward tried to pull her off of me, but Kristy just grabbed his arm and flipped him. He hit the ground with a thump and wide eyes.

"Oh my goodness, I'm sorry Eddy Weddy!!!" She chirped as she stepped away from me and to him.

So there I lay . . . blue and yellow, my eyes wide with fright, awaiting a worse fate.

Until, I heard the doors to this building open. Slowly I turned my head, seeing Jacob there a smile on his face. "Where's Bell-" Someone threw a big bowl of red paint in his face.

With a shaking hand, he wiped the paint away from his eyes.

"JAKE!" Kristy screeched as she looked to the kid who threw that. "Oh! You're going to _pay_!"

The kid—a little girl with blonde pigtails and red overalls—screamed and began running away from Kristy.

Gradually, I stood up, wiping as much yellow and blue paint from my face as I could, and in the corner of my eye, I watched Edward do the same.

We looked at each other quickly and then back to where Kristy was chasing the little girl in circles, and then to Jake, who was standing in the doorway, afraid as he stared at the fiasco.

Edward ran—at human pace—to the little girl that Kristy was chasing and picked her up quickly before Kristy would grab her. He then set the girl on a table and ran over to a wall. Inconspicuously, he gestured with his finger for me to come.

I ran over to him, dodging the occasional paint flying by the unsuspecting, happy kids. Once I was next to Edward, leaning on the wall, we watched Kristy now shift her path to come for me. I tensed up and was about to get out of the way, but Edward held me down with his hand.

When she was two feet from our faces, Edward pushed me out of the way, so Kristy collided into the wall. Without skipping a beat, Edward grabbed one of the tables that none of the kids were on and put it over Kristy like a cage.

She screamed and banged on the small legs of the table, too small for her to crawl out of. With what seemed like great effort, Edward continued to hold the table over her.

**Jacob's POV**

What. The. Heck. Is. Going. On. Why. Am. I. Wearing. Red. Paint. Why. Is. Edward. Standing. On. Top. Of. A. Table.

**Some Random Kid's POV**

Dude, dude, dude, dude, DUDE! This is the bestest arts and crafts day _ever!!!!!_

**Kristy's POV**

Why is my Eddy _doing_ this to me!?! All I ever did was _love_him! OH dear Lord!! Get me out of this thing!!

I tried to squeeze under the arms of this table my love was holding me in. Oh, I get why he's trapping me like this. Ooh, he's an _animal!_ That just goes to show that too skinny hussy!! And my Jakey Wakey, he came all the way from what him and his district were doing—going to the lake at exactly 8:03 AM and forty-seven seconds—to see me! OR! He could be just trying to get Edward out of the picture because he wants me all to himself! Oh my goodness, I've never been fought over before! This new deodorant must be working. . . .

**Some Random Kid's POV**

EW! Kristy's smelling her armpits!!

**Bella's POV**

Oh my God, Edward's a genius!! I smiled at his triumph as I slowly looked around for any children that might be injured for getting in Kristy's path . . .

How could I forget that Jake's here! I ran up to him, again avoiding the flying paint. He smiled at me and wiped some more of the paint off himself.

"Hi, Jake!" I opened my arms for a hug, but closed them remembering the paint.

"Hey Bella! What the heck is going on?" He chuckled.

I looked over to Edward, standing on top of a table, slowly looking down to see into Kristy's _cage_. "It's . . . a long story. So," I turned back to him. "How are you? Why aren't you with your kids?"

He shrugged. "It's potty time, and I thought that really quickly I would come over here to see you. But now I'm going to have to tell the kids why I'm wearing the arts and crafts."

I laughed quietly, until I was hit in the back with another bowl of paint. I turned around and there was a little kid with a skull and crossbones shirt, snickering at me. "Hey!" I growled as I stepped towards him, but I slipped on the paint and went tumbling down. I heard the kid snicker again.

**Skull and Crossbones kid's POV**

Ha ha! There's an old lady on the floor!

**Jacob's POV**

My eyebrows pulled together as I held out my hand for Bella to take to get herself up. She took it and stood up, while glaring at the kid that was laughing at her.

**Some Random Kid's POV**

I hate camp!

**Some Random Kid's POV**

Ha ha, this is fun!

**Edward's POV**

Ooh, I hope Kristy isn't strong enough to get out . . .

**Jacob's POV**

Another kid threw paint at me. I growled and wiped it off.

**Kristy's POV**

Bow chicka wow wow

**SpongeBob's POV**

Oops, wrong fan fiction.


	11. Chapter 11

**I truly apologize for neglecting to work on my fan fictions. And, since I haven't done this in a while, feel free to recap on the story so this will make sense. I know I had to!! **

**Bella's POV**

"What in the world is going on HERE?" A voice boomed from behind the pandemonium.

The paint stopped flying, but instead dropped to the floor as fifty nervous faces turned to face a man who I assumed to be the man I talked to on the phone. When I asked if I could visit. This must be Mr. Thompson. His face was red in frustration, and it appeared as though he was sprayed by a bit of paint already.

"Oh no," I said from behind Jacob, wiping my face and then looking down sheepishly.

"Oh no is right," Jacob whispered. "Mr. Thompson," He said, stepping up to take responsibility. "This was all Edward's fault."

With wide eyes, I snapped my head to Jacob, and so did Edward who was still holding Kristy captive with a table.

"Edward!" Mr. Thompson roared. "What on earth are you doing to Kristy?"

He blinked and quickly got off of the table, allowing Kristy to explode out, her face as red as Mr. Thompson, but frankly, looking much more intimidating.

"I'm so sorry, sir," Edward said, inconspicuously stepping away from Kristy. "Things got out of hand, and . . ."

"And Jake!" Mr. Thompson looked over to Jacob. "Your entire district is wondering where you are! I had to get my secretary to look after them while I looked for you."

Jacob winced. "You have a secretary?"

"Okay . . . I just told them to wait by the Camp Center. But that's beside the point, what is happening?"

"Nothing," Jacob tried.

Mr. Thompson snorted. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

Jacob looked him over, at his high socks, one higher than the other that were on under his sandals, and then at his short shorts pulled higher by colorful suspenders that were over a Celine Dion concert tour T-shirt . . . two sizes too small. To top it all off, huge circular glasses were framing his face, a piece of tape in between the two lenses holding them together, and he was wearing a toupee undoubtedly on backwards.

"No sir," he finally whispered.

"Yes he does," Kristy screeched, her face now black with running mascara. "So does Eddie! They just want to make a fool out of your fine institution! I tried to stop them, but Eddie became vicious! He said he couldn't live without me, and he wanted to make such a mess to show how much he loves me. To prove his undying affection. I said that that was no excuse for such deplorable behavior, but then he jumped me! And then he trapped me under a table!"

I saw Edward wince, like he couldn't understand the thought of that. I couldn't either.

"Edward," Mr. Thompson gasped, his eyes wide in either anger or . . . disgust. "In front of children? In front of _children_, Mr. Cullen?"

"And don't even get me _started_ on Jake!" Kristy continued, after a fake sniffle. "He got jealous at Eddie saying that he loves me, and then they started fighting! That's kind of when the paint situation broke out. I tried to stop them, but . . ."

"Oh my GOD!" Jacob growled. "Mr. Thompson, you can't be believing this."

"I honestly don't know _what_ to believe."

"Oh!" Kristy began again. "And this hussy over here," she glares at me, and my eyes widen. "She came in with a cigarette in her mouth, and let's just say some _appalling_ language! I had to cover these poor kiddies' ears! And then she got jealous from Jake and Eddie fighting over me, so she . . ."

"Hey!" Edward growled. "Shut up! Just _shut up!"_

I smiled, but it wilted as I remembered that Mr. Thompson is still staring.

"I'm calling the police," He said after a long silence. "This is . . . appalling. Kristy, get the children out of here, and tell my secretary to call these kids' parents."

Kristy paused.

"Okay, just remind me to do so on a sticky note."

"Mr. Thompson," I began, feeling more guilty than ever. "This was all my fault. I came in, and Kristy just . . ."

"SHE WENT NUTS!" Jacob continued for me, as if not obvious enough.

"Nuts," Kristy whispered, stepping close to him, probably giving him the dying urge to step back. "Nuts, nuts that's what you call me? You think I'm NUTS! THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK? NUTS!?" She takes a deep breath. "I did not just spend three months straight playing my Sims game, learning how to flirt with guys, for my boyfriend to call me nuts, just so he won't get in trouble."

"Oh, I've played Sims before, but if I try to enter a cheat code, it never works, I guess there's something wrong with my disk, or maybe I'm getting the wrong cheats." Jacob said, a smile on his face. He then realizes that that was probably the most inappropriate time to say that, so his smile fades, replaced with a nervous giggle.

"Oh, and you," Kristy turned to me, her eyes in slits. "I know where you live, and I will totally use my spider man web shooters to teach you a lesson you will not soon forget!"

"Okay, okay!" Mr. Thompson said, walking to us. "Kristy, what happened to my adorable little niece? Huh? Why have you gone berserk?"

Kristy looked to her apparent uncle, and gasped. "Are you calling me berserk?"

"She's your _niece_?" Edward whispered.

"She has human relatives?" Jacob said, then looking him over once more, with a face like he wants to take that back.

Mr. Thompson ignored those questions and looked Kristy over, still probably wondering what went wrong.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ties into its prequel, HANDCUFFS. If you've never read it, you may be a tad bit confused.**

**Chapter 12**

**Edward's POV**

After Kristy had practically threatened everyone at the camp, she was sent to the hospital where she was promised a nice big room, and a straight jacket. But, I still don't feel much better. The camp is still going to go on since Kristy is gone, which means we have a new camp counselor coming to take her place. And, I can only imagine what's in store for us since Bella had already left.

Some part of me wanted for me to be in trouble with Mr. Thompson, mostly so I would be fired and be free to go back home. But since it was obvious of the fact that Kristy is nuts, he just figured that me and Jacob are perfect angels. And that's our dilemma.

Jacob and I looked at each other anxiously as we awaited the new counselor to come. We were all meeting in the Camp Center, except for the kids, for they were in the cafeteria having lunch under the watchful eye of Mr. Thompson's _secretary_. Aka, his mother.

_Hey Cullen, what do you think the new counselor will be like?_

I shrugged, and we both looked to Mr. Thompson, who had a wide smile on his face. He looked at his watch and then towards the door in which we were all facing as we waited for the new staff member to show.

_I bet she's hot_.

I rolled my eyes and continued to wait, the silence a bit awkward with Mr. Thompson here, especially since his niece was recently committed to a mental institution, and we are sort of the cause of it.

_Black flowing hair, brown eyes, beautiful smile . . . _

"That's what you think the counselor will look like?" I whispered, quiet enough as not to be heard by Mr. Thompson.

Jacob gave me a sly smile.

_Nah, that's Bella._

I shoved his shoulder in response to his rudeness.

He yelped like a puppy.

Mr. Thompson snapped his head to us, and we both smiled sheepishly. He locked his jaw and looked back towards the door. Immediately, it opened, and in walked an elderly woman, wearing combat boots, and a very unflattering muumuu.

"Ah!" Mr. Thompson smiled, stepping up to give her a handshake. "This is Miriam, you're new co-counselor."

_Oh my lord_. _She's not hot_.

I smiled, and stepped up to give Miriam a handshake as well, but as I held my hand out, she just wiped her nose with her own hand. "So where be all da kids?" She grunted, her nose scrunched up.

"The cafeteria. So, would you like the grand tour?" Mr. Thompson asked.

"Nah ah, this ugly place aint no _grand_! Just give me my dang money! Ever dang since I was fooled into done did thinkin' dat der was a some magical waters in me front yard, me money flow has been done did going away! I done did need me dang pay!"

_Merciful Zeus_

Mr. Thompson laughed nervously. "You will receive your pay in a month, when camp is over."

She snorted. "Whatever, where's me free food?"

"Cafeteria, come with me." Mr. Thompson began leading her out, but Jacob caught his sleeve.

"Thompson!" He whispered. "Aren't camp counselors supposed to be _young_ and beautiful with flowing black hair, brown eyes and beautiful smile?"

"She's almost that," he whispered back. "She's old, ugly, with crispy white hair tied into curlers, eyes in which make me frightened, and a smile revealing gold teeth."

Jacob groaned. "But aren't they supposed to be, like, I dunno, _active_ to do activities with the kids?"

Mr. Thompson rolled his eyes. "It was short notice, it was either her or . . . Kristy again."

"She's perfect," Jacob and I said in unison.

Mr. Thompson nodded, and we all walked out the doors and to the cafeteria, where Kristy's old district met their new counselor.

* * *

**Jacob's POV**

**Dear Bella,**

**You have to come back! You need to replace this new counselor who replaced Kristy! She's plain evil, EVIL I TELL YOU! Her name's Miriam, and she's old and I can't understand a word she says! Please, Bella, I am so begging you, if you don't come back, she's going to eat Cullen and I alive. ****I mean, she can eat Cullen, I have no problem with that---PLEASE COME BACK! Maybe Thompson will realize how disgusting Miriam is and replace her with you! You are way prettier than her, which EDWARD doesn't seem to get. Oops, that was kinda ****unnecessary---**

**SAVE ME!!**

**Jacob**

** PS:: Don't save Edward, he's moved to Canada, and if he dies then that's just life.  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**This also ties into the prequel, HANDCUFFS. If you're dangerously confused, just read the fan fiction already. It is not that hard . . . **

**Chapter 13**

**Bella's POV**

"Um . . . Jacob?" I whispered, stepping behind him in the cafeteria, him staring intently at the food and not hearing me approach.

He turned and his expression lightened as he saw me. "Bella!" He shoved his tray of food (consisting of a mountainous portion of mashed potatoes, three hotdogs, and a hamburger) into a kid's hand, making him drop his juice pack, and he gave me one of those tight, werewolf hugs. I begged for breath, feeling my face turn blue.

"Oh my gosh, I can't tell you how good it is to see you!" He said as he drew back, immediately glaring past my head. "You got my letter?"

"Yeah," I told him, turning my head and looking where he was glowering at. What I saw made my heart drop and my stomach churn.

An old woman sat at what I assumed to be the counselors table, sipping prune juice and stabbing at a big brown mole on her chin with a fork. I felt my breakfast threaten to cover the cafeteria floor. She wore overalls with nothing underneath, and those combat boots.

I could feel chills assail my spine.

"Mi . . . Muh . . . Mir . . ." I stuttered.

"Bella," Jacob whispered. "What? Do you _know her_?"

"Bella!" I heard immediately from beside me. I turned to see Edward standing there, wearing a purple hat with a feather in it, and a pink boa. My heart broke in disappointment.

Jacob laughed loudly behind me. "It's all adding up," he said between breaths.

Embarrassed, Edward snatched the boa and hat off with surprising speed. "Uh . . . it was the new camp counselor's idea that we had a contest for the trail hike. The district back at camp first would get to give the loser's counselor a . . . makeover. If it weren't for the alert that lunch was being served at the Mess Hall, I would be covered in makeup by now . . ."

"And how is that different than any other day?" Jacob smiled.

Edward glowered at him.

"But this is more important than you masculinity issues," Jacob continued. "We could be rid of Miriam!"

Edward winced. "Jacob, you know what your parole officer said. No killing anyone without discussing it rationally with your therapist."

"Ha ha," Jacob said, not amused. "But no, Bella's gonna take Miriam place! She'll be the other camp counselor!"

Edward looked at me with a beaming smile. "Really! That's great!" He hugged me, except not as tightly as Jacob had, so I could push him away.

"Um . . ." I said, disappointed that Jacob had to tell him. I never made any promises, and I definitely did _not_ want to have anything to do with . . . her . . . the one who . . . while Charlie and Edward were handcuffed together . . . threatened to shoot me with a shotgun . . . and then was tricked by me telling her that the overflowing drainage sewer in their front lawn was a magic water of youth and riches and them spinning around in it three times would give them an endless amount of TV's and stereos. Oh and I stole their shotgun. "I just came to see how you were doing. And now . . . I got to go."

Jacob winced. "But . . . I thought you were coming about my letter!"

"Letter? What letter?" I said suspiciously. "Oh and Edward didn't move to Canada!"

Jacob gave me a knowing glance, and I could tell by Edward's demeanor that he had tapped into Jacob's thoughts and wasn't confused.

"YOU!" I heard from across the cafeteria. My heart dropped.


	14. Chapter 14

**Again, this chapter is tying into the later chapters of Handcuffs (my other fanfic). If you get confused, just feel free to read Handcuffs for yourself!**

**Chapter 14**

**Bella's POV**

For a moment, all I could focus on was the sound of Miriam's voice echoing along the cafeteria walls. It was low, and rusty. It seemed as though she had to strain to have her voice travel all the way to me.

Many thoughts raced around my mind, disgust, for one, at the very idea of coming in contact with her again. However, I knew I was _safe_. I had a vampire and a werewolf to protect me, as well as about 100 kids who haven't has their lunch yet. But, I suppose I wasn't truly worried about my safety. Perhaps, I was just mortified by the mere idea of these kids being subjected to full-on Miriam for as long as she's been counselor.

"Edward . . ." I whispered instinctively as I grabbed his arm.

He was focusing on the wall behind my head with a furrowed brow. I could tell he was attempting to decipher Miriam's thoughts. I could only imagine the wasteland Edward had to work with.

"Oh . . ." He murmured, tensing beneath my touch.

I looked up to him sheepishly and then to Miriam who was limping quickly over to me. As soon as she was close enough, she stopped and took in a few needed breaths, then looked me over.

"You . . ." She began stepping up closer. I flinched away, even though there was still about three feet in between us. "Where's . . . my . . . SHOTGUN?"

"Your _shotgun_?" Jacob growled. "Bella doesn't have your shotgun!"

"Bella . . ." Edward began to chuckle, as he continued to shift through Miriam's warped mind. "Magic waters of Youth and . . . radios?"

Poor Jacob. He was just standing there, confused

"Edward!" he wined.

"Shh . . ." he scolded, looking back to the wall in the back of my head, cringing as he picked out the scarce number of understandable words Miriam thought.

"I want . . . me dang shotgun, girl!" Miriam growled, and then looked to Jacob and gave him a gold-teeth revealing grin.

Edward retched, and then smiled at Jacob as well.

Jacob simply stood there twiddling his fingers, wondering why in the heck Miriam and Edward were smiling at him. But they were two different smiles. Miriam's was . . . passionate while Edward's was joking.

Oh, ew.

**Edward's POV**

Miriam's thoughts shifted quickly from her disgusting little crush she was recently given on Jacob, her imagining him combing through her white hair effortlessly, and stroking her cheek as he did so, to the thought of Jacob and Miriam sitting on rocking chairs on the porch of what I assumed to be her house. Miriam was knitting some kind of mutant scarf, and Jacob was spitting tobacco into 

a can, while another man—around Miriam's age—swept the house, glaring at Jacob from the window. From her thoughts revealed that he was her husband, Norman.

"Get us some lemonade, Norman," she chimed, her voice articulate and musical, making me raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"This is the life, dear Miriam," Jacob said, his voice lower and as Miriam described it, "sexy." A chill went down my spine.

But I suppose that it does make sense that her "crush" would form now. She's never actually _seen _Jacob before. Her district and his district never did any activities together, nor did Jacob ever let his head come up when they were together. Miriam was just like a school girl . . .

Her thoughts quickly faded away from the "blissful" moment with her and her lover back to Bella, replaying the instant where Bella promised them untold riches in radios and TV's, as long as they closed their eyes and twirled around in sewage, apparently so she could make her escape. _Why_ she was at Miriam's house in the first place I hadn't the foggiest, but I just figured that as long as she escaped, everything was fine.

"You done did lied to me . . ." Miriam growled. "Me and da hubby never got 'dose fancy moving picture boxes, or da talking boxes!"

TV's and radios, okay, I get it . . .

"We got in that brown water for notin'!"

"Look, Miriam . . ." I tried.

She held up a wrinkly finger to silence me.

"Miriam . . ." Jacob said this time.

She snapped her head to him, a renewed smile on her face. "What is it, muchacho?

_Why does everyone think I'm Latino? _Jacob thought.

"I think . . . that whatever Bella did, she's sorry for it."

_I'm still gonna make her wish that she was never born . . . _Miriam thought this time.

I stepped in front of Bella protectively and gave Jacob a warning look.

"J-just leave Bella alone!" Jacob continued, reading my expression.

"Well why on earth should I do dat?" She huffed. "What would ya do for me?"

Jacob looked at me apprehensively and I smiled back at him, knowing exactly what Miriam had in mind.


End file.
